All too fast, the last of ops has ended; with a literal bang. Its been a short week, and i've been doing a bit more reflection than i usually do. In fact, i'm typing this on the MRT as I'm on the way to meet up with some friends from jc. Do pardon me if this isn't particularly related to activities in camp, but rather more of an overall compilation of thoughts.

Just last night, i watched a video that really changed my outlook on life radically. It made me realise how much i've sacrificed, how much time i've wasted on trivial pursuits. This goes to show how blind people can be at times; until a timely wake up call can change lives. I'm lucky then, in a sense that this call has come efore its too late, while though i've already lost out, the game isn't over. I've opened my eyes to see how weak my resolve has been. About how i've been so effectively deceiving myself, about how many people i've beaten down, how i've lost myself through time, how i've changed so much in such a relatively short period of time; in ways both good and bad. I'm a good writer, but I often face trouble prioritising things, putting actions into motion. Which is something I've come to regret; it stuns me to think back on how many ideas, whether good or ad that i've thrown away simply because it takes a bit of hard work to get things started. It's high time i stopped using the word "hope". Rather, its do or die; don't let anything get by.

I don't think its the first time that i've mentioned it, nor the first time i've tried to initiate such a move. I'll try to sustain this further though, hopefully until and past commissioning. There's quite a bit on my mind now, and no small part of it is on how i'm going to fnd the motivation to do so. Blind spur-of-the-moment motivation won't hold for long; so there has to e some sort of long term motivation that will be able to hold my attention for an extended length of time. Already i can feel the fatigue of a long day catching up to me: and along with it comes the draining of my willpower and energy. I'm really a cynic by nature, and things that hold my attention for long are rare. Even for games which are my passion don't manage to do so for long until i find a new interest. Perhaps i'm just easily distracted.