sometimes i begin to question the rationale of setting up this blog.

to express oneself? not really, considering there's so much work to be done. not saying that i don't of course, but alot of words pertain directly to work.

to serve as a form of 'healthy' relaxation? perhaps typing out one's inner thoughts and feelings might be better than gaming for one, but not studying is not studying. and unfortunately i have to live up to my brother's standards. if one gets A, the other must too. ah, the woe of being a twin. (but being a twin is still generally better haha)

to suck up more time? currently, the only activity when i work at 100% is sleeping. i cant even concentrate when playing la >.< there's so much on my mind bugging me. and im already seriously running short of time. no fear, yiren will complete his lunwen editing tonite. haha.

anyway there's no more 太王四神记 to look forward to tmr... so i guess it'll be a sad, study hard saturday tmr D:

i wonder what my life would be like without this blog. thoughts flit by, and they don't even leave a trace on my mind. some say their minds are like sandy beaches: passing people and waves make their indelible mark. assuming that its above the high tide line. i think my mind is more like a steel plate. if it doesnt hit hard enough, there's totally no effect. totally. i mean, what has getting BCDES for blocks done to my study attitude? nothing really. so if i dont write it down.. i think my life is going to slip through my hands like sand through fingers.

i must find that quiet place inside me and light the flame. but i wonder what will become of me if that happens? hmm..

i dunno, i've come a long way since young. if this change is going to make me better (in the educational sense, temporarily at least), i don't see why i shouldn't try it out. must isolate myself from all distractions. i think i'll go kap with a couple of friends to study.

oh well. guess i shall use this blog temporarily as a mirror for me to gauge my progress and plan ahead. though all text and no action is just hot air.