.:disclaimer:. oh btw this disclaimer was added an hour or so after this post. after my mind's cleared up. so just to warn the reader that the following post may be a bit dark and depressing.

-end disclaimer-

while there's still a little time, i shall blog abit.

its always so easy to let go, to fall back. but what keeps us climbing? its so easy to add a single sentence to the end of all of my posts. something like

haha but i bet no one will read this

or

though im probably talking to an empty wall

and the like. so easy to become defeatist and run away and hide for the rest of one's natural lifespan. like madness, all it takes is a little push. (thanks junhong for the nick xD)

i look back now and wonder. is there anything that i've done in the past that is worthy of praise? most definitely i could force out a few if i wished. but in actual fact i've been doing so little im surprised there's anything at all to talk about.

i believe i posted before that change was upcoming. and i do believe i've succeeded in certain areas. so my plan isn't a total failure.

note to self: even the best battle plans last only for the first 5 minutes of any battle. after that, things begin to swing rapidly out of control.

good battle plans can be made by anyone with enough information and time. what separates the good from the bad is their performance under stress. their ability to change tactics and manoeuvre at will. in other words: flexibility.

however, to even get that far, one needs almost improbable amounts of confidence, courage in themselves. and where does that bravado come from?

preparation. a good start is half the battle won, but a prepared army has already won the battle.

ahh i don't know (see. example of lack of self confidence) words are fine, but to put things in action is so difficult. especially if the momentum is gone already.

no wait. if i don't put in effort now, i'll never make it. in studies, in life, in everything. better clear the air inside my head. its been so fogged up with laziness and all sorts of other excuses that i hate to see in others. and so ironically, its appearing in me.

have to start getting organised. start realising how much work im lagging by. there's so much to do. but at this point, its not impossible to get going and have a happy ending at the end of the day.

its going to be difficult, yes. but after all, you reap what you sow, and i think i've got it coming to me. can't let doubt fog up all the problems. success will lead to success. and failure leads to success. i've failed too much already. high time i started succeeding.

ahaha. my head feels so much clearer. a good start is half the battle won right?

this is certainly a good start.